You may think because my attitude is at times whimsical and sometimes sarcastic, that this is a work of fiction. Let me assure you brethren and sistren — this is no joke. These are the chronicles of actual things that have been spoken to my by God and the Archangel Metatron in these most recent days. These things are being shared for the benefit of all.
WHAT YOU SHOULD TAKE AWAY FROM THIS
Remember dear reader, that although there a psychic mediums, clairvoyants and other mystics and seers who would prophecy and speak of your heart and your future, that you already have that one-same power in your heart. Remember that God/Jesus/The Holy Spirit lives within you and you always have access to this great power.
Like a fog my memory is cloudy on the details, but suffice it to say that before, on, or after Easter Sunday 2013 I had a true revelation from God. He touched my heart and in an instant, without any logical explanation that I could offer, I was changed from somebody who believed that Christianity was a great sham that is used to control the simple-minded, to a believer in the word and the power and the love of God. God.
Miracles started to happen for me. I had been using The Secret and Law Of Attraction ever since I learned about it in 2007, but for the past 6 months, despite my diligent efforts at healing myself I had remained sick with bowel troubles and depression and even suffered from a tiny kidney stone, which felt like nothing less than a sickle ripping the meat off my ribs. During this time I was also unable to find a job as a web developer, despite my high qualifications. As I said, there was really no logic to it. I tried to use the power of attraction, but it was no use.
Finally, about three weeks ago I just gave up. I was super-stressed. Nothing I ate was being digested properly and everything was just basically shit. Under the idea that I had to fill my cup before I could start helping others, I had put my sole concentration on getting a good job and healing myself.
I thought I was doing everything right and I kept myself mostly shut off from the world. I stayed home, didn’t go out, avoided people (thought I didn’t want to) all under the wrong understanding that by isolating myself from others I could then concentrate and focus on my own healing.
But one day, about a month or so ago I just gave up, as I mentioned, after reaching the end of my rope. Now please know, I would never consider suicide because that has always seemed the coward choice and illogical to me. So at the point where many would jump off a bridge or seek to end their life in this world, I decided the only option was to do something that was not logical — totally giving up on healing myself and concentrating instead on what I could do to help others.
So, I totally gave up on focusing on myself. I decided not to worry about my pain and troubles at all and I would press forward — proactively — with renewed abundance-of-spirit to see how I could be of service to others.
One thing that was shown to me was to treat EVERYONE with respect and courtesy — not just those who treat you well. I started to give thanks and implement this by asking everyone who helped me for free, what i could do to help them. Many of the bill collectors and customer representatives I spoke with said there was nothing I could do for them, yet I could hear the joy and surprise in their voice at my asking.
Now, one day I went to sleep and when I awoke a man was on my TV prophecying. He said something that touched my heart so and I immediately was moved to call him and order his program he was offered about Finding God’s Will For Your Life. I called and the person who answered the phone said she was a minister and I told her about how I had a major question on my life and the the waters poured forth. I broke down and couldn’t help from crying and bawling on the phone. But I surrendered.
I told her about how God had been speaking something very powerful to me since Jan 2012. That he had given a mission, task, or assignment that was difficult and illogical. I told her that for the past year or so, a voice has been speaking to me and telling me that I need to go into the desert for two weeks.
At first I was like “What? The desert? — That’s ridiculous”. And then I went on with my life.
But as I continued to direct my life, the voice kept — for lack of a better term — harrassing me! I was living in Florida and working a job I enjoyed, that I had gained through the Power of Attraction. But my bowel and digestion issues continued to plague me and be a severe burden on my quality of life.
I tried several fasts and eliminated various foods from my diet in a scientific way, but nothing healed me. This plague I have experienced for over 12 years.
THE WIZARD OF HERBS
In March I was learning about herbs and detoxing the body with them. There was a herbalist/naturopath named Dr. Robert Morse, N.D. and one night my hemorrhoids and discomfort was so painful — nothing helped — that I didn’t know what to do. Then a voice spoke to me and said “Go see the Wizard”. This was how I referred to Dr. Morse becuase he published many videos for free about how the body works and how herbs can help, and has several cases of people who have healed themselves.
I confirmed with the voice “Really. Just leave right now? Should I take anything with me?”. Then, less as a voice, and more as just a knowing, I understood that I needed to take all my medical records that I had available (not many) with me and leave. It was 10 PM at night and I googled the address for “Nature’s Botanical Pharmacy”, previously known as “God’s Herbs”.
I arrived at Dr. Morse’s clinic between 3 and 5 am. I awoke around 8:30 AM, and at 9 AM, when I saw somebody open the door I exited my car and knocked on the door. I just kept saying, in utter hopelessness, and desperation “I need to see the Doc — I can’t take it anymore. I need to see the Doc — I can’t take it anymore.”
Soon, a female let me in and I asked to use the restroom. After relieving my bladder, I took a moment and explained to the female who had helped me what my situation was. She seemed very compassionate and understanding and advised me to wait as the Doc would be in soon.
When the Doc finally arrived, I explained the situation to him — almost in tears. He understood right away. I had no money to pay him, no appointment, but I need his help and he was every bit the light worker that I knew he would be.
He took photos of my eyes (Iridology) and pointed some things I knew, and some I didn’t. He also gave me some herbs and glandulars that had been returned by other customers. I thanked him and went on my way feeling renewed in spirit.
Basically his advice was to only eat fruit and take his herbs for at least 6 mo to a year. That just wasn’t financially feasible for me — the herbs were more than affordable, but I had no money for anything but bare necessities.
So here I was in FL making $45K/yr, knowing that I should be making at least $60K, and barely surviving on it. It was constantly buying organic food that depleting my spending money, but I knew that was something I had to stick with.
Two to three weeks went by before my hemorrhoids started acting up again. I tried doing a vegetarian diet consisting mostly of chips and salsa and nuts and berries, but that didn’t heal my hemorrhoids either. Gradually I started to add more and more Standard American Diet food to my meals. I was giving in because there was no solution in sight.
PERFORMANCE REVIEWS & JOB HUNTING
Around April I had my 3rd performance review in 8 months of working for the travel booking company. They said that I had made significant improvement, but my performance wasn’t quite the standard they wanted. That was the last straw. I knew I had been consistently getting better, but if it wasn’t good enough after 8 months, I knew they were probably going to let me go soon. That’s when the job hunting started.
I interviewed (over the phone, which is common in the programming industry) with companies all over the US, though I knew my passion was in Portland, Oregon. Portland has always had a draw on me — like something has always been pushing me to go there.
I was mostly happy with my role but I knew I deserved better. Despite that, I wasn’t in a big hurry to move. Until I had built up the money to leave, I was not going to make any rash moves.
SPRING AND THE BUG PLAGUES
And now it was Spring. Still kinda cold by what I would consider sunshine-state standards. Of course I soon found out that Panama City was more “Southern Alabama” than Florida, as some of the locals schooled me one day while I was pumping gas.
While I was content to let the job hunting process slowly take its course, I continued to try to plan my life. I felt college was calling me so I applied and was accepted to Portland State for Fall 2012. This was the year the world was supposed to end. I didn’t know for sure, but I had a strong feeling it wouldn’t.
At this point I basically was working 3 jobs: programmer, natural healer (for myself), and job hunter. It was starting to take it’s toll.
Around the last week of April I noticed a giant cockroach come out of my closet and trepidaciously dart out about 6 inches every 5 minutes. At one point he danced in circles. I found out these guys were called “Palmetto Bugs” (Also Known As the American Cockroach or Water Bug). This sucker was huge and I was a bit dismayed that he was there because I really had keept a pretty clean room, food wise.
My natural inclination was to try to kill it, but I was able to stop that impulse. I decided to think about this bug as a messenger, so I asked myself “What could this cockroach be trying to tell me?”. I suspected cockroach was trying to tell me something, with his little repetitive dance every night. I did a search for cockroach as a spirit or totem animal and found the following at StarStuffs.com
“Cockroach teaches the art of adaptability and ultimate survival instincts under any conditions making this creature an emotional and spiritual shape shifter. He will teach perseverance and tenacity along with going with the flow of events. Cockroach applies determination and fortitude to survive in any event. The wisdom of Cockroach teaches how to keep in touch with the world around you, shows how to strengthen vitality and quickness of movement, ability to discern when and how to move, and make use of available resources. Are you looking into the recesses of your spirit for answers? Are digging deep enough to find what is hidden? Are you adapting to recent circumstances as well as you could? It time for Cockroach to teach the art of adapting and finding what is hidden.”
Adaptability? Survival? Knowing when and how to move? Making use of available resources? These were all things that I was definitely dealing with at the time that the giant insect — which I named “Fred” — began to appear to me.
Okay, okay I said. I had already been being pulled toward the Northwest, particularly Portland, Oregon, where my mom and brother both lived already. But, I told myself that despite the message to move from the roach (which, as an atheist, could I really believe that a bug can give me messages anyway?), I decided to ignore because I didn’t have the resources (money and a cargo trailer) to move all my stuff clear across the country. Plus, I had made friends at Bookit whom I didn’t want to lose touch with.
A few months went by and the temperature began to warm. One day I came home to see three giant roaches — each in different parts of my room — just chillin’ on my stuff. I didn’t have any food out, but I found one of them in my small trash bin … perhaps that’s what they all were after? I saw that as a sign that the universe — probably the manifestation of my own internal will, I thought at the time — was being even more insistent that I needed to leave. And since despite my trying to look at these creatures as message-bringers, something deep inside me was instinctively creeped out by them. But why, I aked myself, would the universe be trying to force me to leave before I had enough money ($1500) to buy a cargo trailer — which I was having custom-built in Georgia? That didn’t make any sense. And I was still making a paycheck at work, though of course with the chronic IBS I found it more and more difficult to concentrate on troubleshooting and debugging code. Imagine somebody half asleep everyday trying to put in a full 8 hours of computer work. That was me. I was tired and exhausted almost every day because I was chronically ill with an incurable disease that was wreaking havoc on my quality of life and my ability to focus. But still I ignored the message to move.
The final straw came in May, when one night I awoke to tiny pinching/burning sensations all over my body. I was deep asleep so I couldn’t be bothered, but for the next 5 minutes I was getting these random burning pinches and sort of an itchy sensation, all over my inner thigh, lower back, wrists, etc. Finally, I had had enough. I jumped up and flipped the light switch on to reveal … a small swarm of about 50 fire ants all over my plush baby-blue polyester fleece comforter!! These suckers had been biting me all over. The bites seemed to come periodically and randomly, like the frequency of a lightening-bug’s glow. But even then i didn’t go.
I suffered through that for about 3 more days until the weekend arrived. Saturday morning I got up — a victim of multiple nocturnal ant-bites, but overall none-the-worse-for-wear, –and began researching everything I could on fire ants and how to safely and naturally discourage them from entering. The prognosis was bleak, though there were scattered testimonials about using Bay Leaves or Black Pepper to deter them. I didn’t want to use chemicals and felt (as I do still) that whatever there is a chemical for, there is usually a much more humane and safer natural alternative. I decided to try black pepper. I grabbed my pepper grinder and began to grind the peppercorns in the air, about 3 feet above the threshold to my door that I had determined to be their mode of entrance to my apartment. I should mention this … the strange thing is that, of the two main things ants break into a house to look for usually — food and water — I had none. What I mean is, while I did keep food in my room, it was all sealed in containers with lids. Also, there was no water or moistness that I know of.
And finally, if the fire ants were looking for food and water, why were they biting me?? Did they decide I looked like a tasty snack? And, finally, the weirdest part if you ask me, why and how did they know to climb up to the second floor, to my room which was much cleaner than my younger female roomates’ rooms, which were bound to have food crumbs and water or pop sitting out. Makes no sense to me why they chose me. Unless it was a message …. the same message Fred and his buddies were trying to convey? Was “Leave now” the message?
I wasn’t ready to leave just yet. I figured I needed another month or two to be able to finish purchasing my cargo trailer, loading it, moving out of my apartment, and still having enough cash for gas and food expenses. But the universe seemed to be pushing my timeline. The black pepper was ineffective and the damn fire ants just marched right on through it. Bastards! Another 3 days of getting eaten alive and I had REALLY had enough!!! I decided after consulting a multitude of sources, including my Dad (who normally has good final advice on such topics). The consensus among all sources was that I should just use a $3 bottle of raid, because fire ants were a special case and very determined and ferocious creatures. After trying peppermint oil, tea tree oil, and black pepper — no no avail — I finally caved and resorted to using Raid. Guess what? IT WORKED!!! [Solved! How to keep fire ants out of your home?] Here’s how I did it. I stood outside my apartment so the balcony door was in front of me. I waited until there was no wind blowing, then I sprayed around the perimeter of the door frame (with the door closed), holding the can between 2 and 4 feet away. That’s it. As long as you are spraying where they were entering, this should work to stop them. Here’s why: When ants try to force their way through the doorway they get poisoned by the raid and die in their tracks. As new members of the colony arrive to try to cross they perceive the other dead ants and that deters them from ever entering that way again.
Regardless of my success with the fire ants, the cockroaches began to multiply and I took that as a sign that NOW was the time. I HAD TO GO!
(To be continued …)